Deathfarm 5

this morning I was brushing my teeth too hard and I accidentally jammed the toothbrush right up in to the side of my cheek. I got it entangled in a cord of flesh and had no choice but to wrench out the fleshy mass along with the tooth brush. At first i thought this advantageous as it looked as though i had accidentally ripped out a face tumor. As I examined the gorey mass, still attached to the inside of my cheek, an addition to my vision was forming. The tumorous mass was receiving light and sending it to my brain. I was viewing my own face from the angle of the mass. I then twisted the new eye around to view the rest of the bathroom. The attached toothbrush worked well enough as a tool to aim my eye with. At first the vision was blurry but as I looked over my bathroom the vision started to sharpen. That is when I saw something new. A blue glowing two and half foot tall door next to my toilet. There where thick pulsating tendrils that ran from the door to the inside of my toilet that looked like they fed off of the contents of my toilet bowl. For nearly twenty minutes I sat looking at that door afraid to touch it. But curiosity got the better of me and i opened the door and crawled through. On the other side the tendrils continued off about fifty yards to a large bland square building. I walked slowly and quietly up to the building and followed the walls around to the other side. Nothing could have prepared me for the horrors on the other side of that large bland building. All I could tell for certain is that it was a type of farm. What was being farmed there is harder to say but the word death describes it best. Mutilated piles of creatures like bloody haystacks. Along with thousand of living creatures barely alive. Strapped to machines that tore at them little by little rendering their limbs down to scarred protuberances. A thick aether hung around the farm less palatable then ammonia. Complimenting the visual horror, the farm seemed to function softly quietly humming along with a sharp interruption of tortured inhuman screams timed with the same frustrating regularity of a kitchen faucet drip. Loose organs and a fleshy pulpy foam carpeted the ground feeding insects many fattened close to the size of my foot. Further in to the distance lay rows of dead trees that still bore strange fruit. Bloated corpses hung like oranges. There was no sign of any intelligent life form operating the farm. Nothing but automated mutilation. The putrid mess got to my senses and I became dizzy, collapsed to the ground, and projectile vomited all over myself and the wall next to me. The vomiting and dizziness continued so powerfully my body tremored and I loss control of my bowels filling my shorts with liquid shit. The vomit that filled my nostrils barely hid the putrid smell of that farm. My eyes all three burned. I retreated from the barn crawling desperate. The weakness in my body killed my hopes to return through that door but i continued to crawl slower and slower. I crawled blindly following what I assumed was the blue pulsating tendril that led back to my toilet. For three days I attempted to crawl along that tendril frequently passing out only to be awaken by large insects biting at me. What small amount of energy my body could muster was wasted fighting off those hallow eyed insects. The tendril seemed to be withering away as well having not had my shit to feed it for a few days now. It would no longer be usable as a guide soon. Which did not matter to me I had accepted death. Suddenly, without warning, a cold metal hand grabbed me. It lifted me up. Paused for a second. A smaller sharper hand ripped the third eye off of my face. The hand carried me forward to the door and shoved me through it. The last experience I have from that world was the sound of the door locking. My smell alerted the neighbors almost instantly and i was taken to emergency care. But I refused to stay for even a day as I felt a new found duty to my metal savior. I needed to shit in my toilet. And feed that blue tendril for whatever unknown purpose it had. Which my friends is why i have invited you here to this party despite my weakened physical state. Obviously so soon after an ordeal like that I could not possibly have any shit to excrete in to the shinny white bowl. But you who had all so eagerly excepted these drinks, have all just ingested a powerful laxative. Do not worry my toilet has never clogged once.

Tastycakes

Four days ago Mr.Hudson decided he would no longer be going to work. He drank nothing but cheap whiskey and Nyquil for the last three days. At 3:15 am Mr.Hudson noticed the sun wasn't glowing bright but instead held a very mild orange glow that grew brighter and weaker according to his will. Two hours passed and Mr.Hudson became very excited about his new found powers. The more excited he got the more he proceeded to brighten the sky brighter and brighter. After four hours Mr.Hudson did nothing but stare unblinking into a blinding light that nearly burned the skin off his eyes. Until 9:13 am when what appeared to be a semi translucent blue alien humanoid creature attempted to communicate with Mr.Hudson. He did not understand what the blue creature was saying but instead perceived the creature as a monster from another dimension and assumed it was a threat. Mr.Hudson, with all the strength of a man on a three day cheap whiskey and Nyquil binge, tore the limbs off of the blue translucent creature and smashed at it's torso thoroughly obliterating it. At 12:15 pm Mr.Hudson went out to lunch having completely skipped breakfast. He ate at a popular fast food sandwich restaurant. At 5:23 pm Mr.Hudson finished his last bottle of Nyquil and went to sleep.

Death Waits for Sam

movie idea: Death waits for Sam
A man goes back in time to impregnate the mother of his adopted daughter when he begins to think that his adopted daughter is actually his own daughter. Then in a fit of jealousy his wife goes further back in time to plant herself as a fetus inside the adopted daughter's mother's mother so that she would also be the adopted daughter's parent. The adopted daughter gets pissed off that she is constantly changing into a different person so she goes into the future to her adopted fathers death bed and shoots him in the face with a double barrel sawed off shotgun. The life cycle is complete. Also the main character's name is Samson and the adopted daughter's name is Samantha.

Blue

BLUE....

ill be candid for a second.

really im all about blue.
not like picaso blue vagina period

NO i mean blue. its fucking awesome

i cant wait tell im an old bald dude so i can tattoo my whole scalp blue.

walk down the street blue warpaint tattoo old and weathered.

drinking blue slushi

wearing blue

its all blue

Orange you glad it's Tuesday

Yeahhhhh!!!! it's the third Tuesday of the month which means it's Orange you glad it's Tuesday day. You celebrate the third Tuesday of every month by eating nothing but orange things. For lunch I'm having an orange and a carrot and a bowl of Kraft macaroni and cheese. Then later today I'm going to the liquor store buying a big bottle of orange soda and a smaller bottle of Everclear. Because everything must be Orange.

Galileo II

God=Faith
as
<3=...?
im fucking losing it.
(that's supposed to be a love symbol but i guess it looks more like butt cheeks coming out of an ice cream cone. Which gives me a lot of mixed feelings or at least makes me question if love is just the joy of eating ice cream out of a girls ass. what if it isn't?) fuck that's right i wanted ice cream earlier...i almost never want ice cream.

swap club

Batwing

Aracknid is a worthless chauffeur, barely able to drive. On one occasion he ran down a pregnant woman in from the mountains with a load of charcoal on her back, and she miscarried a bloody, dead baby in the street, and Keif got out and sat on the curb stirring the blood with a stick while the police questioned Aracknid and finally arrested the woman for a violation of the Sanitary Code.
Naked Lunch

command bridge

The broken image of Man moves in minute by minute and cell by cell . . . Poverty, hatred, war, police-criminals, bureaucracy, insanity, all symptoms of The Human Virus.
The Human Virus can now be isolated and treated.
Naked Lunch
Since there is no sure way to detect a disguised replica (although every Divisionist has some method he considers infallible) the Divisionists are hysterically paranoid. If some citizen ventures to express a liberal opinion, another citizen invariably snarls:"What are you? Some stinking nigger's bleached-out replica?"
Naked Lunch
The Buyer spreads terror throughout the industry. Junkies and agents disappear. Like a vampire bat he gives off a narcotic effluvium, a dank green mist that anesthetizes his victims and renders them helpless in his enveloping presence. And once he has scored he holes up for several days like a gorged boa constrictor.
Naked Lunch
Liquefaction

Materiality

materiality is eating me

Od' und leer das Meer

Desolate and empty is the sea.

Huey Lewis & The News

Patrick Bateman: Do you like Huey Lewis and The News?
Paul Allen: They're OK.
Patrick Bateman: Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83, I think they really came into their own, commercially and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consummate professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humor.
Paul Allen: Hey Halberstram.
Patrick Bateman: Yes, Allen?
Paul Allen: Why are their copies of the style section all over the place, d-do you have a dog? A little chow or something?
Patrick Bateman: No, Allen.
Paul Allen: Is that a rain coat?
Patrick Bateman: Yes it is! In '87, Huey released this, Fore, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to be Square", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself.
[raises axe above head]
Patrick Bateman: Hey Paul!
[he bashes Allen in the head with the axe, and blood splatters over him]
Patrick Bateman: TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU, FUCKING BASTARD!

Free Bacon Ultimate

slam the ball

Super Baseball 2020

Mistress Monique

instinct and capitalism

everyday

suffering from a disease called middle class. Everyday i get softer and stupider filling myself with the words of self righteous losers whose accomplishments involve couches and bull shit. Self entitlement and masturbation. assholes and opinions. The taste of raw tofu. a sugar free mc donalds. sitting at the footsteps of the rich. spit on for having the highest aspirations.

a horrible wall

a horrible wall

august

well its the last day of august. boys and girls now that we have let another august slip by our fingers what do we have to say about our month of august. Fuck august.

Mentos

Love. A mental illness caused by prolonged exposure to excessive levels of hormones produced by contact with a sexual partner.
Cures and treatments.
No known medical cure but illness often cures itself.
treatments include; Chronic masturbation, suicide, Mentos freshness!, Fresh goes better with Mentos, fresh and full of life!, alcohol.
Controversy.
A study done in 1993 found that removal of the genitalia before puberty caused an immunity effective up to 78% against the disease. Study supervised by French Professor Raymond Duchamp-Villon.

Sol LeWitt

Sentences on Conceptual Art
Sentences off Conceptual Art:
or pessimism the key to pretending to be an intellectual.
1. Conceptual artists are mystics rather than rationalists. They leap to conclusions that logic cannot reach.
1A. Conceptual artists are lazy.
2. Rational judgements repeat rational judgements.
2A. Repeat rational judgements repeat rational judgements.
3. Irrational judgements lead to new experience.
3A. Irrational judgements lead to ignorance.
4. Formal art is essentially rational.
4A. Conceptual art is essentially formal art.
5. Irrational thoughts should be followed absolutely and logically.
5A. Irrational thoughts may be treated with medication
6. If the artist changes his mind midway through the execution of the piece he compromises the result and repeats past results.
6A. If the artist change her mind midway through the execution of the piece she has improvised the results and changed past results.
7. The artist's will is secondary to the process he initiates from idea to completion. His wilfulness may only be ego.
7A. The artist's will is secondary to the process which is secondary to funding which is secondary to ego.
8. When words such as painting and sculpture are used, they connote a whole tradition and imply a consequent acceptance of this tradition, thus placing limitations on the artist who would be reluctant to make art that goes beyond the limitations.
8A. When words such as Conceptual and Contemporary are used, they connote a whole tradition and imply a consequent acceptance of this tradition, thus placing limitations on the artist who would be reluctant to make art that goes beyond the limitations.
9. The concept and idea are different. The former implies a general direction while the latter is the component. Ideas implement the concept.
9A. The Chisel and marble are different. The former implies a general direction while the latter is the component. Marble implements the chisel
10. Ideas can be works of art; they are in a chain of development that may eventually find some form. All ideas need not be made physical.
10A. Ideas can be acts of crime; they are in a chain of development that may eventually find some form. All ideas need not be made physical.
11. Ideas do not necessarily proceed in logical order. They may set one off in unexpected directions, but an idea must necessarily be completed in the mind before the next one is formed.
11A. Multitasking. look it up.
12. For each work of art that becomes physical there are many variations that do not.
12A. For each work of art that becomes physical another becomes graphic design.
13. A work of art may be understood as a conductor from the artist's mind to the viewer's. But it may never reach the viewer, or it may never leave the artist's mind.
13A. A work of art may be understood as a conductor from the artist's mind to the viewer's. But it makes the artist look smarter if the viewer cannot undertand.
14. The words of one artist to another may induce an idea chain, if they share the same concept.
14A. The words of one artist to another may induce nausea, when over heard at an art show.
15. Since no form is intrinsically superior to another, the artist may use any form, from an expression of words (written or spoken) to physical reality, equally.
15A. I tried to buy a car with 22 K's I cut out of my magazine. See "Married With Children".
16. If words are used, and they proceed from ideas about art, then they are art and not literature; numbers are not mathematics.
16A. If words are used, and they proceed from ideas about art, then they are art and have no real social value.
17. All ideas are art if they are concerned with art and fall within the conventions of art.
17A. How else can I write out 16 again... oh, I know.
18. One usually understands the art of the past by applying the convention of the present, thus misunderstanding the art of the past.
18A. Does this apply to Futurism?
19. The conventions of art are altered by works of art.
19A. The conventions of art are the alteration of the conventions of art.
20. Successful art changes our understanding of the conventions by altering our perceptions.
20A. Successful hallucinogens change our understanding of the conventions by altering our perceptions.
21. Perception of ideas leads to new ideas.
21A. Perception of ideas leads to tasting of colors which leads to conversations with your foot.
22. The artist cannot imagine his art, and cannot perceive it until it is complete.
22A. The artist can imagine his art, and can perceive it before it is complete. Using his mind, ooooooooh crazy.
23. The artist may misperceive (understand it differently from the artist) a work of art but still be set off in his own chain of thought by that misconstrual.
23A. The artist can fuck up, but act like that was supposed to happen.
24. Perception is subjective.
24A. Perception is subjective. very good. so are opinions, beliefs, desires, and even faith.
25. The artist may not necessarily understand his own art. His perception is neither better nor worse than that of others.
25A. The artist may not necessarily understand his own art, but can pretend that he does when around buyers.
26. An artist may perceive the art of others better than his own.
26A. An artist may perceive ways to make other artists feel bad about themselves.
27. The concept of a work of art may involve the matter of the piece or the process in which it is made.
27A. The concept of a work of art may ignore the matter of the piece and the process in which it is made. Pay your assistant to worry about that.
28. Once the idea of the piece is established in the artist's mind and the final form is decided, the process is carried out blindly. There are many side effects that the artist cannot imagine. These may be used as ideas for new works.
28A. Once the artist has passed the design on to be fabricated. He may now wait for reviews to be used as ideas for new works.
29. The process is mechanical and should not be tampered with. It should run its course.
29A. Don't stick your finger in the printing press. The safety instructions are clearly labeled on the side of the machine.
30. There are many elements involved in a work of art. The most important are the most obvious.
30A. The most important elements in a work of art are the most obvious. Mainly, how big you should make the boobies.
31. If an artist uses the same form in a group of works, and changes the material, one would assume the artist's concept involved the material.
31A. If an artist uses the same form in a group of works, and changes the material, one should assume the artist is running low on material.
32. Banal ideas cannot be rescued by beautiful execution.
32A. Banal ideas are the foundation of the hellish mundane.
33. It is difficult to bungle a good idea.
33A. It is difficult to bungle a good idea. as long as you look good doing it.
34. When an artist learns his craft too well he makes slick art.
34A. When an artist learns his craft too well he becomes a target for criticism.
35. These sentences comment on art, but are not art.
35A. My sentences commented on sentences, but are often sentence fragments or run on sentences.

it is only going to get worse

http://www.flickr.com/photos/library_of_congress/2478431052/

Trust me it will get much worse. just wait tell i get further along with my series titled "Inappropriately Combined Fruits and Vegetables" Which of course will be a side project derived from the Rubber Unagi Company. until then...
Babs
http://cgi.ebay.com/Rape-Victim-Barbie-/250668888290?cmd=ViewItem&pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3a5d07b0e2
Jesus
http://cgi.ebay.com/Quadruple-Amputee-Jesus-Crucifix-/250668859425?cmd=ViewItem&pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3a5d074021
AK-47
http://cgi.ebay.com/Pewter-AK-47-Black-Velvet-/250668869421?cmd=ViewItem&pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3a5d07672d

Avtomat Kalashnikova 47

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=250668869421

what can i say about this that hasn't already been said about god. Nothing. Exactly... what? I don't know any more it's fucking hot out and my moped had a flat. and there is a clown hiding in my dresser drawers sharpening its teeth on an ice pick.

Turned On

http://www.bgartdealings.com/
BLEICHER/GOLIGHTLY "Turned On" Curated by Joella March

ART REVIEW: Apparently i do art review now, yah fuck it why not. My first impression while looking around the show is that someone must be thinking about building a sardine processing factory inside a can of sardines. Also if you have been to Cal State Fullerton's sculpture department then you have been to this show. but that's not necessarily a bad thing. No one knows how to do kinetic like those crazy bastards. Certainly though somebody knows how to curate kinetic a hell of a lot better then Joella March. Her choices where excellent, a good balance of things to play with and things that play with you. But then they where all just rammed in to that tiny little space, no lube or nothing.

this might explain it better"At the lower end of the bowel, there are two distinct circular bands of muscles, sphincters, one is located about an 1 ½" above the other. These clamp down tight to prevent the passage of feces or gas. The mucous membrane lining of the rectum is not as heavy as the lining of the vagina, so it can tear quite easily and it does not heal as quickly as the vagina. Because feces, loaded with bacteria, are passing by, any tear is vulnerable to infection.

The vigorous thrusting that may occur during anal intercourse can tear the mucous membrane. This can develop into an anal abscess that can become infected - more about that in a moment. Also, if your partner has any of the sexually transmitted infections (STI's), then you could get infected through the tear. So we are talking about gonorrhea (treatable); venereal warts (treatable if external, difficult if up in the rectum); syphilis (treatable); herpes (treatment, no cure); yeast infection (treatable); and HIV and AIDS (treatment but no cure.) You do not want any of these STI's."link

ok sorry, ill get serious now, also while i was in that tiny little space i noticed a much bigger space right next to it.(which often happens when performing anal sex) so i ventured in to this space filled with paintings of varying quality. and i found a pair of people serving drinks. (which occasionally happens when venturing into the vaginal cavity). This insane European guy gave me and my friends a drink he called the experiment and wouldn't tell us what was in it. I'm guessing the secret ingredient was fermented urine and champagne, since this was Santa Monica. Oh, with an awesome view of the ocean and the pier. Great location for an art gallery really. but has to be as expensive as all hell to keep that space. I would have to guess that is why they went all sardine style on it's ass.

some of the art in the show was good too. Have you seen Kyle Chew's "jumping tv"? good stuff, any work that accidentally damages the gallery wall behind it passes my test for good art. in fact i think all art should be used to damage stuff. it should just be a requirement. Gallerists could learn a lot from demolition derbies. The jumping tv is a fucking steal at only 5,000 dollars. you should go buy it right now. or wait tell the show is over and i can hook you up on a sweet deal for that baby. but don't tell anyone because if the art maffia hears about this they will break my knee caps and force me to watch Corky Ramano. All Los Angeles art people love the movie Corky Ramano i have no fucking clue why, but its a fact, ask one.

Jim Jenkins is in the show. Remember that guy from talking about him in your city college sculpture class. Well i do. yup. Jim Jenkins... Jimmy jim jim janky janks jenkins.... Jim Jenkins, yah. allright did i mention i spilled one of my drinks allover my pants and the floor right at the entrance to the gallery then i sat outside by the fountain and enjoyed a moment of quiet reflection on the wonderful art i had seen. but then a shark came out of the fountain and i killed it with my trusty spear gun. the end.

links to art show
http://canopygallery.wordpress.com/2010/07/13/art-in-santa-monica/
http://www.artslant.com/la/events/show/115111-turned-on

alex

alex
Originally uploaded by hellishmundane

have you seen this man. he is approximately 29 yrs, over 6 foot, and extremely pompous. if spotted do not approach. if possible throw tangerines at him and run away.

apathetic

http://www.helium.com/items/1882339-doomsday-how-bp-gulf-disaster-may-have-triggered-a-world-killing-event
or maybe none of it really matters

Quadruple Amputee Jesus Crucifix

I have to ask myself, why did i make Quadruple Amputee Jesus. I really don't know.
Well in to the production of him my grandma asked "who do you think would want to buy something like that?"
I don't think it would be Christians interested in the crucifix. If they had been i certainly fucked that option by signing each cross as a limited edition of 666. But it is not a satanic object either, it is an object of dubious religious affiliation. Maybe its just an atheist experiencing a nostalgic religious moment.
There are toys for disabled children that share their disabilities, but i can't see this cross comforting anyone who has no limbs, or maybe it could. the Jesus lacks limbs but he is still supporting himself as if he had them. that can also easily be interpreted as the suffering he is experiencing is forced on him by the limbs he lacks. though once again i think the edition number really fucks any redeeming characteristics.
I made it because if i saw it i would want it. In fact i will at some point hang one in my room. but there is no why. it just continues off the stream of oddities i produce for myself.

hmm... i think the hiatus idea was just a total failure

an unrelated matter

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=250663336039&ssPageName=ADME:L:LCA:US:1123

hiatus

if you hadn't noticed i am currently on hiatus. will be back soon. after brain is returned from dry cleaners.